Fool Chapter 4

FOURTHE DRAGON AND HIS WRATH18Dont despair, lad, I express to Taster. Its non as grim as it looks. The simulated ordain stay Edgar and Im relatively genuine that France and Burgundy atomic number 18 buggering each other and would never let a princess shine between them al gramgh Ill wager theyd borrow her wardrobe were it non guarded so the day is saved. Cordelia will remain in the White Tower to squeeze me as always.We were in an antechamber forth the great h both. Taster sat, compass point in hands, looking paler than normal, a mountain of regimen piled before him on the dining table.The king doesnt same dates, does he? asked Taster. non a deally hell eat any(prenominal)(prenominal) of the dates that were brought as gifts, right?Did G whizzril or Regan gift them?Aye, a whole buttery they brought with them.Sorry, lad, youve work ahead, wherefore. How it is youre not as fat as a friar, with wholly youre requi vehement to eat, is beyond me.Bubble says I must n ourish a city of worms living up my bum, but that aint it. Ive a secret, if you wont tell anyone Go on lad, Im embarrassingly paying heed.What just ab pop him? He nodded to taradiddle, who was sitting in the corner petting one of the castle cats. fib, I c whollyed, is Tasters secret invulnerable with you?As dim as a snuffed candle, he is, tell the hind end in my voice. Telling a secret to fraud is like border ink in the night sea.See there, said I.Well, said Taster, looking almost as if anyone would want to be in our miserable company. Im macabre a lot.Of course you are, its the bloody Dark Ages, everyone has the plague or the pox. Its not like youre leprous and dropping fingers and toes like rose petals, is it?No, not transferensive like that. I just vomit nearly every snip I eat.So youre a little chunder-monkey. Not to worry, Taster, you limit it ingest retentive affluent for it to kill you, dont you?I reckon. He nibbled at a stuffed date.Duty make, then. Alls salutary that ends well. unless back to my concerns Do you think France and Burgundy are poofters,19 or are they, you know, just fucking French?Ive never charge seen them, Taster said.Oh, quite right. What about you, Drool? Drool? Stop thatDrool pulled the damp kitten out of his mouth. But it were licking me first. You said it was barely proper manners I was talking about fewthing completely different. sick the cat polish.The heavy door creaked open and the Earl of Kent slipped into the room, as stealthy as a church bell stamping big money stairs. Kents a broad-shouldered bull of a fellow, and while he moves with great strength for his granddaddy years, Grace and Subtlety remain blushing virgins in his retinue. in that location you are, boy.What boy? said I. I see no boy here. True, I whole stand to Kents shoulder, and it would take two of me and a suckling pig to labyrinthine sense him on a scale, but even a draw requires or so respect, except from the king, of cou rse.Fine, fine. I just wanted to tell you not to exact sport of feebleness nor age tonight. The kings been brooding all week about crawling unburdened to the grave. I think its the weight of his sins.Well, if he werent so dog-fuckingly old there would be no temptation toward mirth, would there? Not my fault, that.Kent grinned then. Pocket, you would not willfully hurt your master.Aye, Kent, and with Goneril and Regan and their lords in the hall therell be no need to jest geriatric. Is that why the king has kept company wholly with you this week, brooding upon his years? He hasnt been planning on marrying off Cordelia then?Hes uttern of it, but hardly as part of his entire legacy, of holding and history. He seemed set on a course to hold the farming steady when I last left him. He bade me return while he gave private audience to the bastard, Edmund.Hes talking to Edmund? Alone?Aye. The bastard force on his fathers years of attend for the favor.I must go to the king. Kent, st ay here with Drool, if you would. Theres food and boozing to hold you. Taster, show reasoned Kent the best of those dates. Taster? Taster? Drool, shake Taster, he appears to have travel asleep.Fanfare sounded then, a single anemic trumpet, the other three trumpeters having deep succumbed to herpes. (A sore on the lip is as bad as an arrow in the affectionateness to a trumpeter. The chancellor had them put d confess, or perchance theyd just been sickishe drummers. They werent blowing bloody fanfare, thats all Im saying.)Drool put trim down his kitten and climbed to his feet.With grave offense to daughters three,Alas, the king a fool shall be, said the giant in a lilting female voice.Where did you hear that, Drool? Who said that?Pretty, said Drool, massaging the air with his great meaty paws as if billingssing a womans breasts.Time to go, said Kent. The old warrior threw open the door into the hall.They stood all well-nigh the great table round after the tradition of some long forgotten king the center open to the floor where servants served, orators orated, and Drool and I performed. Kent took his invest near the kings throne. I stood with some yeomen to the side of the molest and motioned for Drool to find a place to hide stub one of the stone pillars that supported the vault. Fools do not have a place at the table. Most times I served at the foot of the king, providing quips, criticisms, and magnificent observations by means of the meal, but unaccompanied after he had called for me. Lear had not called for a week.He came into the room head up, scowling at each of his guests until his plaza lit on Cordelia and he smiled. He motioned for everyone to sit and they did.Edmund, said the king, bewilder the princes of France and Burgundy.Edmund gesticulate to the king and backed toward the main entrance of the hall, then looked to me, winked, and motioned for me to come join him. Dread rose in my chest like a black serpent. What had the bastard done? I should have cut his throat when Id had the chance.I sidled down the side wall, the bells on the tips of my shoes conspicuously unhelpful in concealing my movement. The king looked to me, then aside, as if the sight of me energy cause rot on his eye.Once through the door Edmund pulled me close to aside. The big yeoman at the threshold lowered the stigma of his halberd an butt and frowned at the bastard. Edmund rel locomoted me and looked bewildered, as if his own hand had betrayed him.(I communicate food and drink to the guards when they are on post during feasts. I believe it is written in the Obfuscations of St. Pesto In nine cases out of ten, a large friend with a poleax shall truly a b slighting be.)What have you wrought, bastard? I whispered with great fury and no little spit.Only what you wanted, fool. Your princess will have no husband, that I can assure, but even your sorceries wont keep you safe if you reveal my strategy.My sorceries? What? Oh, the ghost.Yes, the ghost, and the bird. When I was crossing the battlement, a raven called me a tosser and shat on my shoulder.Right, my minions are everywhere, said I, and youre right to fear my apt mastery of the heavenly orbs and command of spirits and whatnot. But lest I unwarranted something unpleasant upon you, tell me, what did you say to the king?Edmund smiled then, which I found much unsettling than his blade. I heard the princesses oral presentation amongst themselves about their affections for their father earlier in the day, and was enlightened to their character. I merely hinted to the king that he might ease his burden with the same knowledge.What knowledge?Go find out, fool. Im off to impart Cordelias suitors.And he was away. The guard held the door and I slipped back into the hall and to a spot near the table.The king, it seemed, had only then finished a roll call of sorts, naming each of his friends and family at court, proclaiming his affection for each, and in the cases of K ent and Gloucester, recalling their long history of battles and conquests together. Bent, white-haired, and slight is the king, but there is a cold give notice in his eye still his visage puts one in caput of a hunting bird fresh unhooded and set for its kill.I am old, and my burdens of responsibility and property weigh heavily on me, so to countermand conflict in the future, I propose to grant my body politic among new strengths now, so I may crawl to the grave light of heart.What snap off than a light-hearted grave crawl? I said softly to Cornwall, villainous twat that he is. I crouched between him and his duchess, Regan. Princess Regan tall, fair, raven-haired, with a weakness for plunging red velvet gowns and another for rascals, both grievous faults had they not played out so pleasurably for this teller of tales.Oh, Pocket, did you get the stuffed dates I sent you? Regan asked.And disinte domicileed to a fault as well.Shhhhhh, bunny cunny, I shushed. Father is blabin g.Cornwall drew his dagger and I travel along the table to Gonerils side. Lear went on These properties and powers I will divide between my sons-in-law, the Duke of Albany and the Duke of Cornwall, and that suitor who takes the hand of my pricy Cordelia, but so I may determine who shall have the around bounteous share, I ask of my daughters Which of you cacoethess me most? Goneril, my eldest born, speak first.No pressure, pumpkin, I whispered.I have this, fool, she snapped, and with a great smile and no little grace, she made her way around the outside of the round table and to the opening at the center, bowing to each of the guests as she went. She is shorter and rather more(prenominal) than round than her sisters, more generously padded in bosom and bustle, her eye a grey sky short of emerald, her hair a sensationalistic sun short of ginger. Her smile feeds on the eye like water on the tongue of a thirst-mad sailor.I slid into her chair. A bountiful creature is she, I said to the Duke of Albany. That one breast, the way it juts a art object to the side when shes naked, I spurious does that bother you at all? shake up you wonder what its looking at everywhere there grab like a wall-eyed man you think is always talkin to someone else?Hush, fool, Albany said. He is nearly a score years older than Goneril, goatish and dull, methinks, but around less of a scoundrel than the average grand. I do not loathe him.Mind you, its obviously part of the pair, not some breast-errant off on a quest of its own. I like a bit of asymmetry in a woman strikes me suspicious when Natures too just fearful symmetry and all. But its not like youre shaggin a kyphosis or anything I mean, once shes on er back its hard to get either one of them to look you in the eye, innit?Shut up barked Goneril, having turned her back on her father which one is never suppose to do in order to scold me. Bloody clumsy etiquette that.Sorry. Go on, said I, waving her on with Jones , who jingled gaily.Sir, she addressed the king, I love you more than words can say. I love you more than eyesight, space, and liberty. I love you beyond anything that can be valued, rich or rare. No less than aliveness itself, with grace, health, beauty, and honor. As much as any child or father has loved, so I love thee. A love that takes my trace away and makes me scarcely able to speak. I love you above all things, even pie.Oh bollocksWho had said it? I was relatively sure it was not my voice, as it hadnt come from the normal hole in my face, and Jones had been silent as well. Cordelia? I scooted out of Gonerils chair and scampered to the junior princesss side, staying low to avoid attention or f deception cutlery.Bloody buggering bollocks said Cordelia.Lear, refreshed from his shower down of flowered bullshit, said, What?I stood then. Well, sirrah, lovable as thou art, the ladys profession strains credibility. Its no secret how much the bitch loves pie. I crouched again quic kly.Silence, fool Chamberlain, bring me the defend.The distraction had worked, the kings ire had turned from Cordelia to me. She took the opportunity to poke me in the ear-lobe with her fork.Ouch Whispered, moreover emphatic. Tart.Knave.Harpy.Rodent.Whore.Whoremonger.Do you have to pay to be a whoremonger? Because strictly speaking Shhh, she said, grinning. She poked me in the ear again, then nodded toward the king, that we should pay attention.The king pointed to the map with a bejeweled dagger. All these lands, from here to here, with rich farmlands, bounteous rivers, and deep forests, I do grant to Goneril and her husband, Albany, and to their offspring in perpetuity. straight, we must hear from our trice daughter. Dearest Regan, wife to Cornwall. Speak.Regan made her way to the center floor, looking down at her older sister, Goneril, as she passed, as if to say, Ill show you.She raised her weapons system out to her sides, trailing the long, velvet sleeves down to the floo r so she expound the shape of a grand and bosomy crucifix. She looked to the ceiling as if sketch inspiration from the heavenly orbs themselves, then pronounced What she said.Huh? said the king, and verily huh was echoed around the room.Regan seemed to realize that she should probably go on. My sister has expressed my thoughts exactly as if she may have looked at my notes even before we here entered. overleap I love thee more. In the list of all senses, all fall short, and I am touched by cipher but your love. She bowed then, looking up a bit to see if anyone was buying it.Im dismission to be sick, said Cordelia, probably louder than was really necessary, as were the coughing and gagging noises she perpetrated thereafter.Deflecting, I stood and said, Shes been touched by a bit more than his majestys love, I resist say. I mean, in this very room I can call up The king shot me his best Must I chop off your head? look and I fell silent. He nodded and looked to the map. To Rega n and Cornwall I forsake this third of the kingdom, no smaller or less valuable than that bestowed upon Goneril. Now, Cordelia, our joy, who is courted by so many eligible young nobles, what can you say to nail a third more opulent than your sisters?Cordelia stood at her chair, not fashioning her way to the middle of the room as her sisters had. Nothing, she said.Nothing? asked the king.Nothing.Youll get nothing for nothing, said Lear. Speak again.Well, you cant blame her, really, can you? I interjected. I mean youve given all the good bits to Goneril and Regan, havent you? Whats left, a bit of Scotland rocky enough to starve a sheep and this poxy river near Newcastle? Id taken the liberty of going over to the map. Id say nothing is a fair start for bargaining. You should counter with Spain, majesty.Now Cordelia moved to the center of the room. Im sorry, Father, that I cant heave my heart into my mouth like my sisters. I love you according to my bond as a daughter, no more, no le ss.Be careful what you say, Cordelia, said Lear. Your dowry is draining away with every word.My lord, you have sired me, raised me, and loved me. I return those duties back, as is proper I obey you, love you, and most honor you. But how can my sisters say they love you above all? They have husbands. Dont they have to reserve some love for them?Yes, but have you met their husbands? said I. There was growling from various points around the table. How can you call yourself a noble if youll just start growling for no reason. Uncivilized, it is.When I shall marry, you can rest assured that my husband will get at least half my care and half my love as well. To say anything else Id be lying to you.This was Edmunds doing, I was sure of it. Somehow hed known that Cordelia would answer this way and had convince the king to ask the question. And she did not know that her father had been wrestling with his own mortality and worth for the week. I hopped over to the princess and whispered, Lyin g now would be the better part of valor. Repent later. Throw the old gent a bone, lass.So this is how you feel? asked the king.Aye, my lord. It is.So young and so untender, said Lear.So young, my lord, and true, said Cordelia.So young, and so bloody stupid, said the puppet Jones.Fine, child. So be it. Let your truth be your dowry, then. For by the radiance of the sun, the ignominious of the night, all the saints, the Holy Mother, the orbs of the sky, and Nature herself, I disown you.In his spiritualty Lear is well flexible. When pressed for a curse or a evoke he will sometimes invoke gods from a half-dozen pantheons, just to be sure to catch the ear of whichever might be on watch that day.No property, land, or title shall be yours. Cannibals of darkest Merica, who would sell their own young in the meat market, shall be closer to me than you, my used-to-be daughter.I wondered about that. No one had ever seen a Merican, being as they are mythical. romance goes that in the name o f profit they did sell the limbs of their own children as food that was before they burned the world, of course. Since I didnt expect a state chatter from the merchant cannibals of the apocalypse anytime soon, it appeared my liege was either herniating the metaphor or speaking the tongue of a frothing nutter.Kent stood then. My liegeSit down, Kent the king barked. roll in the hay not between the dragon and his wrath. I loved her the best, and hoped that she would take care of me in my dotage, but since she doesnt love me enough, only in the grave will there be peace for Lear.Cordelia looked more confused than hurt. But, Father out of my sight Where is France? Where is Burgundy? Finish this business Goneril, Regan, your younger sisters share of the kingdom shall be divided between you. Let Cordelia marry her own pride. Cornwall and Albany shall divide the power and property of a king evenly. I shall retain only my title and enough of a stipend to maintain one century knights and their carriers. You shall keep me from month to month in your own castles, but the kingdom shall be yours.Royal Lear, this is madness Kent again, now making his way around the table to the center floor.Careful, Kent, said Lear. The bow of my anger is bent, dont make me loose the arrow.Loose it if you must. Youd kill me for being bold enough to tell you that youre mad? The best of loyalty is that a loyal man has the courage to speak plainly when his leader moves to folly. Reverse your decision, sir. Your youngest daughter doesnt love you least because shes quiet, any more than those who speak loudest are the most sincere.The older sisters and their husbands were on their feet at that. Kent glared at them.No more, Kent, the king warned. On your life, not another word.What has my life ever been, but a thing I risked in service for you? Protecting you? Threaten my life as you will, it will not wear out me from telling you that you do wrong, sirLear started to draw his sword then and I knew he had truly lost all sense of judgment, if turning on his dearie daughter and closest advisor and friend hadnt shown it already. If Kent decided to defend himself hed go through the old man like a scythe through a wheat straw. It was unfolding too fast, even for a fool to stay the kings blade with wit. I could only watch. But Albany moved quickly down the table and stayed the kings hand, pushing his sword back down into the scabbard.Kent grinned then, the old bear, and I saw that he wouldnt have drawn blade on the old man at all. He would have died to make his point to the king. Whats more, Lear knew it, too, but there was no mercy in his eye and the madness had gone cold. He shook himself free of Albanys grasp, and the duke backed away.When Lear spoke again his voice was low, restrained, but palsied with hate Hear me, thou traitorous ferret. No one challenges my authority, my decisions, or my vows to do so on British land is death, and in the rest of the known world is war . Ill not have it. Your years of service noted, I give you your life, but only your life, and never again in my sight. You have five geezerhood, Kent, to provision yourself, and on the sixth day, turn your back on our kingdom forever. If twelve days pass and you are still in the land, your life is forfeit. Now go, this is my rescript and it shall not be revoked.Kent was shaken. This was not the blade he had braced for. He bowed then. Fare thee well, king. I go, for I dare to question a power so high that you give it away for a praise tongue. He turned to Cordelia then Take heart, girl, youve spoken truly and done nothing wrong. May the gods protect you. He turned on a heel, putting his back to the king, something Id never seen him do before, and marched out, pausing only a punt to look at Regan and Goneril. Well lied, you spiteful bitches.I wanted to temperateness the old brute, write a poem for him, but the hall had fall silent and the sound of the great oaken door closing beh ind Kent echoed through the hall like the first thunder of a world-breaking storm.Well, said I, dancing to the middle of the floor. I think that went about as well as could be expected.